with the enormous surge in popularity of this blog site, you can celebrate my next posting with a midnight release a la harry potter (no way, i don't read those books...reading them would be like, uh, like eating at mcdonald's or something). you can pre-purchase your special login password to get a sneak peak at what's coming soon! just send $25 to me and i'll hook you up. cash only please. no receipts given. warning: i will probably spend it at wal-mart.
buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy big mac buy
ba da da da daa, i'm luvin' the comments. especially the ones that disagree with me. not especially the ones that seem like personal attacks, but hey, i can ride a bike with a knife in my back no problem. just makes the uphills a bit more painful. a big thanks to all those that defended me. it's sweet because until i checked my blog, i didn't even know i was on trial.
so now i've got the mic. and the burning question is, what, if anything have i done with ronald's coupons (which, by the way, are only good in canada)? having read all the comments yesterday, my mind was racing. i'm a sell-out, i should be using my chemistry degree to fight cancer and alzheimer's, the food is horrible, it's free food, i don't believe in god (entirely not true!!) etc. so what do i do? here's the answer...
i'm going to share with you two things that annoy me:
1. people that post as "anonymous." who is you?
2. people that write 12:00 a.m. or 12:00 p.m. there is no such thing. it's 12 midnight or 12 noon. please make a note of it.
...i glided my way down the canadian roads towards my next and incidentally last candaian town (i'll be in the big, bad, scary usa tomorrow). and on the horizon, yessssir, there they are, the most recognizeable emblem in the world. a big fat curved m. decision time. and so...
i got two flats today. in the span of 10 km. bloody bad luck. hope the patches hold, because all i want to do is ride.
...i just kept riding. screw it. i'm not eating there, decreased profit margins or not. but then, as if the m were a magnet, i turned and went inside. and i made a lifestyle change. seriously. today was big. screw vegetarianism. i feel the call of the carnivore. and so i ordered three big macs, took a deep breath, and munched. and you know what? they were delicious. and then i told myself, dang it hIrSch, no more overanalyzing everything, no more thinking life to death, just go with it man. quit trying to save the world and quit your dadgum making life such an ordeal. and so then i got a chicken sandwich. and then my years of non-meat eating caught up with me. i vomitted, quite violently, all over the mcdonald's lawn...
wal-mart has just rolled back prices. go get something plastic right now, right now!
...and as i looked at the vomit, i realized my own stomach acid was going to kill the grass! so now it's decision time, do i screw my environmental consciousness too? or do i dive to the lawn face-first and lick up my own vomit in the name of photosynthesis?! seconds were passing. chlorophyll were dying. i could feel the greenhouse effect thickening. it was all my fault!! i'm atlas. and i can't just shrug that off. so i did the next best thing, i grabbed a hose and diluted the chunkies of big mac and chicken. by this time, quite a crowd had gathered. and then i realized, dear god, i'm wasting all this water, i might as well be flushing toilets after every use!!...
because and only because my free internet time here on this college campus is running out, i'll get on with it. the above is fiction. a real shocker, i know.
i rode right past the mcdonald's to rocky mountain college where i ate my (all generic) peanut butter, saltines, strawberries, choclate raisins, and banana. it was delicious. and then three guys from japan walked outside near my bench and had a smoke. they said nothing to me. i retunred the favor. they were practicing their english. all sorts of different words. and then, unbelievably true, they were all three attempting to say (and i swear to this) "mcdonald's." they were having trouble. i was having trouble keeping quiet. and then i couldn't stand it any longer. i gave them the coupons. i even went into a little rhetoric of all that was behind those little sheets of paper. and i told them to please never actually spend money at mcdonalds because of all the things you have heard before. they agreed and said, "mcdonald's makes you fat." but they were college students and glad for some free grub. i feel it was for the best. if i have disappointed you, then by all means, revel in your disappointment.
yes, everything is a corporation. what good does it do for me to buy raisin bran at ma and pa store and not wal-mart because regardless, some dude at colossal kellogg's is reaping the dough, right? so what does one do? yes, i have picked and chosen what i support and what i will not support. i try to make the world as black and white as possible because in my eyes everything else is just an excuse. i've picked some easy targets. but i do what i do because i feel it is right. please remember and review the blogs: i, hIrSch, have never told anyone not to eat mcdonald's or shop at wal-mart. i have just stated my stance. and maybe it's ridiculous. maybe there's no point.
i just checked my blog comments again. you guys should check out comment #34 signed, "--the definition--." who are you oh great one? or shall i just call you my personal "webster"?
anyhow, it's time to go south to idaho. and i've got plenty to keep both my mind and wheels spinning.
so comment away! love me or hate me or indifference me, i am hIrSch.